Single, ready to mingle, but no sex please

On UK-based organization for celibacy, Celibrate’s website, one Ajay posts, “I never understood why people want sex so bad. I was quite shocked when I first learned that people do it for pleasure. I consider myself straight because I’m definitely attracted to women, but I have a low sex drive and thus my idea of a good time is cuddling, dancing or just talking. I’ve always found the idea of sex quite boring. I am 24 now, a virgin and I live a celibate life which is fine by me. I could pretty much go through my whole life and never have sex and it wouldn't matter to me.”

Testing times

Mumbai-based Arvind, 30, practised celibacy through his college years well into his mid-20s. “I started reading a lot about celibacy during college. I just wanted to test myself over and over again and I am proud I managed to do control my desires for nearly seven years. I would try to curb my sexual thoughts by focusing on other things I loved, such as sports cars. I quit only because my parents wanted me to marry,” he adds. 

Though Arvind's proud of his celibacy days, he believes that talking asexuality is as much of a taboo in India as talking about sex. 

Celibacy versus brahmacharya

Celibacy or abstinence from sex has for centuries been used as a tool of self-control by religious leaders and spiritual gurus. The ancient yogis practised brahmacharya and called chastity ‘the best of all penances’. In males, the semen (Veerya) is considered sacred, and its preservation (except when used for procreation) and conversion into higher life-energy (Ojas) is considered essential for the development of enhanced intellectual and spiritual capacities.

In his autobiographical The Story of My Experiments with Truth, Mahatma Gandhi, who practised celibacy for over a decade, wrote, “An aspirant after brahmacharya will always be conscious of his shortcomings, will seek out the passions lingering in the innermost recesses of his heart and will incessantly strive to get rid of them.”  

Dr Rajan Bhonsale, head of the department of Sexual Medicine at KEM Hospital, says, “Brahmacharya is not practiced celibacy. It is about transcending to another space where sexual pleasures and materialistic things don’t really matter. It is not about fighting against sexual thoughts and desires that celibacy advocates. I’ve come across several Jain munis and priests who have had difficulties dealing with their sexual desires. Practising celibacy under the garb of devotion and spirituality is wrong. You can’t suppress your sex hormones. Over a period of time, this kind of forced restraint can make you tend towards perversion.”

Tool against STDs

Sexual abstinence is often recommended as a way to avoid pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases (STDs). While there have been cases where HIV+ people have found HIV+ sex partners, in many cases, the patients choose to remain celibate for life in order to avoid spreading the disease to another person. In early 2003, Sushma Swaraj, the then health minister of India, had said that the country's AIDS programme had to focus of sexual abstinence and faith rather than just condoms.

However, Dr Bhonsale says, “We recommend that HIV+ individuals should abstain from sex so that they don’t pass on the virus to others. But that doesn’t mean they have to remain celibate. They are free to have sexual thoughts and even self-pleasuring by way of masturbation. It’s free, it’s natural and it’s safe!”

Pic: StillSearc